Monday, May 16, 2016

As the Republican Party melts down around him, Donald Trump ponders his vice presidential pick

Donald Trump is picking a running mate. That is a sentence that can be said now: After dispatching with the rest of the Republican field via a rigorous program of pomposity and insult comedy, Donald Trump now must decide who precisely he would like to hoist up has his vice presidential pick—a difficult problem, given that Donald Trump doesn't consider anyone other than himself to be qualified for anything. He may yet pick himself as his own running mate, just so he can be sure there's someone in the position who admires him as much as he thinks he should be admired.

Barring that, ex-presidential candidate turned Donald Trump hanger-on Ben Carson spills the beans as to who is being considered.

The most favorably regarded contenders after himself, he was told, were John Kasich, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin and Chris Christie.

Note that there are several caveats to this. First, Ben Carson likely does not know what he is talking about. Second, "after himself" is a red herring, as he claims he doesn't want the job. Third, he later called the reporter to say that he was just throwin' out names and was not necessarily accidentally leaking important insider information that others in the Trump campaign would have his head over. Fourth—Sarah Palin?

Sure, why not. If you consider running the nation to be no different from running a reality TV show, it stands to reason you'd pick a reality TV icon to do the job. Plus, you don't want anyone with either knowledge or eloquence in the VP slot, lest they show Donald up.

In related news, Republican National Committee chairman and willing captain of the good ship RMS Clusterf--k Reince Priebus has been expressing his own hope that Trump will not screw this step up. He's powerless to do a thing about it, of course, but he still muttered to omnipresent radio conservative Hugh Hewitt about how Trump "understands" that "there has to be a degree of diversity on the ballot."

"Now whether it be diversity of age or whether it be diversity of gender or ethnic background, somehow or another, diversity is important in some respects," Priebus said.

Well that narrows it down. As long as that person is maybe a slightly different age or maybe prefers mahogany over gold leaf, it sounds like Reince will count it a success. It’s easy to wonder, though, how much Priebus is phoning in the diversity talk at this point. When you've just selected the most belligerent xenophobe in the race as your presidential candidate, that ship has sailed. Or, to be more accurate: sailed, got struck by lightning, burned to a crisp, sunk to the bottom of the sea, and then somehow burst into flames again.

Because Donald cannot help but be Donald. If there's a "general election" mode to be had there, this may be it. This may be all he's capable of.

Speaking on Good Morning Britain, Donald Trump has challenged the new London mayor to an IQ test after Sadiq Khan said he was ignorant.

It’s highly likely that 80 percent of the people on this planet could beat Donald in an IQ test, including Sarah Palin, and we strongly suspect that if Donald Trump has ever actually taken such a test it was administered on the back of a half-full box of Cap'n Crunch. You can also expect this to be one of President Trump's go-to methods of international diplomacy, and that within the first two years of his administration we would be subjected to a nationally televised competitive IQ test between President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, judged by their own closest staff members, in which the world would learn that both are so astonishingly clever that mere IQ tests cannot even measure their godlike mental powers. Then they would shake hands and agree to not destroy the world with the power of their own thoughts, so long as the rest of us treat them properly.

This is only going to get worse, you know. It keeps being said, and it keeps being true. For all we know Donald Trump is vetting a particularly photogenic horse to be his vice presidential contender, just to stick it to Reince Priebus yet one more time. There doesn’t seem to be a bottom here.

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