Sunday, August 30, 2015

Cliff Notes from Donald Trump's Campaign Speech In South Carolina

Aug 27, 2015 by
 astronautagogo
Hey y'all here ya go! Honestly I need an enema after this one. I created a new Facebook page, Trump Notes with a bit more of a subversive presentation to confuse his supporters and entertain the rest.

1. My Iowa speech was the best speech I ever gave.
2. I'm suing Univision.
3. Jorge Ramos was screaming like a lunatic. He wasn't asking questions he was making statements.
4. The New York Times sucks, they said I have a toupee. It's NOT a toupee. Throws a copy of the New York Times in the air.
5. Calls audience member up on stage to inspect his hair. (missed 2 minutes, cable stopped covering, had to move to live stream)
6. Voters are tired of low energy people, Jeb is boring.
7. Jeb doesn't use his last name because we've had a lot of problems with that last name.
8. ISIS was dunking Christian heads in the ocean.
9. Vets support me the most.
10. Jeb is going down fast.
11. Ben Carson and Ted Cruz are pretty cool.
12. "The Iran pack is one of the all time..."

13. Our country is falling apart, we are so screwed.
14. "Chyna!"
15. Japan, all we send them is wheat and beef and they don't even like our beef.
16. Our ambassador to Japan was picked randomly off the street, she 's clueless.
17. My friend Carl is a killer. Put Carl in the room and we win.
18. I love Chyna.
19. (stream breaks for a few minutes)
20. I was the king, nobody was better than me.
21. Politicians run for a living, who cares?
22. It's so easy, we're so stupid. We're really stupid. Aren't we stupid?
23. Nobody would be talking about immigration without me.
24. I won't apologize because i'm right.
25. A 66 year old woman was just raped and sodomized by an illegal alien.
26. I have excellent blood pressure. I mean, it's really good blood pressure.
27. We need someone whose unpredictable. I'm unpredictable.
28. I love the Ukraine.
29. I love Ukraine.
30. Two weeks ago I ordered 4000 television sets from South Korea.
31. South Korea is killing us.
32. "Chyna!!!"
33. We rebuilt Chyna.
34. The great theft in the history of the world is the money that China took from us.
35. You don't need these big steak dinners, let's just get lunch ok?
36. I wish our leaders were smart.
37. My friend Carl, he's bad ass. If I put him in charge, it's over. Carl is the shit.
38. My friends are vicious, horrible human beings. These are terrible terrible people.
39. Chyna is so smart.
40. Jeb is drying up, his brother got us into a big mess.
41. I've done a great job.
42. Jeb puts his best friend in charge of his PAC, what a joke.
43. Nobody played sleazy politics better than me.
44. I turned down 5 million dollars.
45. The press likes the way I use my hands.
46. I have so much to say that I speak through my applauses.
47. I'm kicking everyone's ass in the polls, every poll.
48. We're not gonna take it anymore.
49. I'm going to build the greatest wall ever.
50. Says "thank you darling" to audience member.
51. Our airports are third world.
52. Laguardia airport sucks. God I hate Laguardia.
53. Dubai has the best airports. Why can't we have airports like that?
54. We have a chance to be really really great again.
55. "I'm the most militaristic person, i'm the worst person in this room."
56. We've given away 2,300 Humvees to our enemies.
57. We're stupid.
58. I poll first in everything but niceness, I poll last in that.
59. We don't need nice. I'm full of smartness.
60. John Mclaughlin shoutout.
61. Perry tried to step to me and he ate shit for it.
62. Lindsay Graham is a nerd. I wrote Lindsay Graham congratulating him on getting 4% of the recent polls.
63. I love the tea party, they're great people.
64. I do great with everybody because I want to make America great again.
65. I copywrited Make America Great Again so no one else can use it.
66. The Iran deal, ugh.
67. We're going to have the best everything.
68. If I win, you are going to be the happiest people.
69. We're going to have a lot of fun doing it.
70. Twisted Sister's, "We're Not Gonna Take It" plays.

No comments: